Hes a handsome boy. Id never done comedy before and but Istarted thinking, well, it would ring fora long time its a big place and then hed put meon hold because hes a busy guy and Onward Christian Soldiers would play but it was live, not a tape and Im not gonna do the whole thing. She has dry eye and thats okay. No cant have the chicken. But since Im home and youre home, I thought I could say a few words to all the years graduates, and put your caps and gowns on if you have them nearby. They seemed fine, like, I dont know what it is. I just [crowd claps] Ill buy a new car, I dont care. Those look good. The bar is set pretty low at this moment. This is This is a true story. Speech-to-Text live streaming for live captions, powered by the worlds leading speech recognition API. 05:07. He was using me as bait, hoping that Charlton would go: Oh, cute little girl. And come over,you know. Im not just a spokesperson, Im a gay. Theyre missing outon music that they could be flying and then getting down on the you know. Andy Lassner: (01:15) Dave Chappelle talks about Kanye West, the 2022 midterm elections and Donald Trump. We didnt have a six but we hada nine and a half. And [crowd laughs and claps] We try on everything that were gonnaput on our body except for socks, I realize. [gasps] Happy birthday I dont deserve it, give it to thelady there. Girl, you look good, wont you back that ass up What is happening? Oh my God, it was just like I mean, wed be in the car, driving past the drugstore and Id be like: Im gonna get Aspirin someday. My parents divorced when I was 13. OK. Thank God, Ellen. Ill tell you. But just in the last year or two for no reason, really. DeGeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998 and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003. I cant honk ever at anyone. Last January, when I first heard that Ellen DeGeneres wanted to be an O cover girl, I was sure it was a joke. There was a woman in there and there wasa hair brush and some mints by the way,whos using that hairbrush? Ellen Degeneres: (07:49) Like were holding on to things that we dont need to hold on to that we should let go of. . This is my homework for my online Spanish. Im a human being. He said: Well, I mean, your life has changed so much. And Isaid: I know but I still think Imrelatable. And anyway, just then, Batu,my butler, stepped into the library and He announced that my breakfast was readyand I [crowd laughs] I said: Well continue this conversation another time. Theres like There is a make-up display theres is a curling iron, hair extensions crudits Oh, are those strawberries in season? millionaire | 15K views, 250 likes, 55 loves, 35 comments, 8 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Ellen DeGeneres: I bet each one of these kids is a millionaire by now. You have nice feet. It wastwo rooms and I had a mattress on thefloor and the entire basement was infested withfleas. It wasnt? Not from graduation, it was something else. But I think that one thing that we all do, that Ive noticed that is We all have our song, right. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now YouTube Movies & TV Comedy 2003 Buy TV-PG Ellen - Here and Now - Go-gurt redsoxfanification 16K views 10 years ago Ellen - walks into sliding glass. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now has been transferred to disc in the full-frame aspect ratio of 1.33:1, and the audio has been mastered in Dolby Digital Surround. Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( d-JEN-r-s; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist. They stabbed at it with their sword. And I can only imagine the fires that she mightve had to put out to put parents at ease and also know that I didnt have any training coming into it, but I appreciate whatever the potential this she saw in me was. In her first special since 2003, Ellen revisits her road to stardom and details the heartfelt -- and hilarious -- lessons she's learned along the way. Whenever we passsomeone going slow we have to see what they look like. They were vaping and And they were like: Its Ellen,oh my God, its Ellen. And Im like [crowd laughs] and then I realized I pulled up, and the gaspump was over here and my tank was back here, on this side ofthe car. People see me, whenever they see me anywhere, theyre like: Dance Ellen, dance. And Im like Im getting a mammogram. Easily integrate Rev using our robust APIs to start building your product quickly. I cant No. I think it sounded like that. Just draw the bath. So Im sitting in the tub and Im lookingout of the window at the rose garden and Tatiana was tending to the roses and I knocked. I dont know I am still gay by the way. My friend has really upset me by what hesaid. And he said: Well then, I shall draw you a bathmaam. And I said: You dont have to announceit all the time. I can't move right now. But I said: What do I do about that? He said: Nothing. It is." 06 of 10. A famously awkward interview clip of actress Dakota Johnson calling out TV host Ellen Degeneres resurfaced on Wednesday as fans joke that Johnson caused the show's demise. [crowd laughs] I gotta get the fuck out of here. These are good. I mean all throughout history, no one sliced it? Please, change. And the light doesnt change so theyjust creep up alongside of you. So I get downstairs and my friend isstill down wandering around in thehallway and Im like: What are you still doing here? And hes like: Im lost. And Im like: Ohmy God. How many times have I shown you the frontdoor? He was 40. Why do you care where I get my protein? Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up and it wasntmeant to be funny. I know I am, but Im a human being and Ihave bad days and Im intraffic like you, I drive but I cant dothe things you do because Im the be-kindgirl. Only when you hit the dance floor, will you dance. Ellen Degeneres: (04:10) Happy birthday But no, first I want to talk about you and your beautiful wife, because now you're in a new campaign for. I a few years ago I started ending my show by saying: Be kind to one another. And [crowd cheers] Yeah, thats what I thought. "The truth is, I always trust my . 2023. And I think because my mother told me she was rocking me when I was a little baby and we went over backwards and I thought, how fast do you have to berocking a baby? Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Im just gonna keep shoes on, theyre not gonna see that. Then you go tosomebodys house and they have a shoes-off policy. Thats who we are, you know. Because the birds in the jungle have never heard Kendrick Lamar. Birds it turns out, love music. For the shoes to see themselves, cause youcant. If youre in your forties and youre still living in your parents house, maybe then find another dream. Hoe, who is you playin wit? [crowd laughs] Gold toilets. I did not. Ellen DeGeneres should have considered laying off the jokes. Like What is Aspirin? Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web! One, two a day. These are good, I like these. Ill do that, thank you. Ellen Degeneres: (03:42) They are on the beat and Iwas like: Oh my God, thats crazy. And then I started really thinking about it, cause I love animals so much and Ithought: I dont know how I feel. Because when people get birds as pets they cliptheir wings, they put them in cages they dont get to fly anymore but these birds get to dance and theyknow music and theyre listening to music that theyd never otherwise hear if they were in the jungle, you know. -Alright, Ill just get the salad then. So I started writing what it would belike to have a phone call with God to find out why fleas are here. Start your free trial to watch Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now and other popular TV shows and movies including new releases, classics, Hulu Originals, and more. But thedifference is, when you do somethingstupid youre just a person someone saw doing something stupid. -How long youve been doing it? I dont know who started that. Stephen "tWitch" Boss, choreographer, DJ and co-host of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," has died. And in the bad times, remember, they wont last forever. Ellen DeGeneres' long-running daytime talk show will come to an end after 19 seasons. And I'm like "I'm getting a mammogram. I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus, alumini, aluminum, alumis; you . It was my senior year of high school. Democratic Senate candidate Beto O'Rourke dropped by The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Wednesday to discuss a number of topics, including a mini speech he gave about his feelings on NFL . Are there ten rows? I know you dont think thats as important but it really is. My dadwould only get a dollars worth of gas, all thetime. We stand up. It was really, really special. [crowd laughs] How did you get in here, anyway?" Yeah . -Yes, but I got one in the hand and thats worth two in the bush. Its I said: I have three dogs. Just becausethey knew I was gay. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. to me. You know, theyll be like: I dont know if I should be in this relationship. Oh, and the hummus was good. If I go in there and if I dont have any money on me and theyretrying to hand me the towel I feel like: No, thank you. Its And it was raining for a long time before we got there like a month before we got there and so it was really muddy and theres like stinging thistles and all kinds of brush everywhere that youve got somebody hacking away with a machete and youre trying to get through and sometimes you had to crawl this far under, were sinking in the mud like, to our knees and three hours up the mountain at some point, I was like, to me So there's that. No, but Ive dined in other places before. Parmesan where my accountant lives I went to a gas station to put gas in my car And theres a group of teenageboys across the way and theyre like really cool. We are all the same and we are all relatable. I dont know if I shouldget it. Ask your doctor if Trulicity is right foryou. Why is that my job? Andy Lassner: (06:14) When were on an island, they dont know we dont wear white linen all the time. However, when I saw her stand up special, Here and Now, I laughed to the point of tearsI don't think I'd ever immediately admired a comic so much. Nobody should be on anybody elses path. 0:00. We should be on our own path. I didnt have waterproof clothes, I didnt have waterproof shoes I didnt have the right things. And my dad put me onhis shoulders to get a better look at him cause you know how four-year-olds loveCharlton Heston. And for the gentleman? I journaled and I wrote poetry. Theyre still listing the side effects. Thank you so much. I dont know, you know. Some of the restaurants are trying to figure out how to help vegans. I thought so, I thought [crowd laughs] Theres nothing more embarrassing than when you pass up a slow driver to showthem the proper way of driving. Everybody was all nervous about dandruff and then Sofia Vergara does this Head & Shoulders commercial Her son has dandruff. And youre watching them slowly creep up in your rearview mirror, and youre just: Please, change. I was working out like six days a week and then I had a sports injury. Thats some good marketing right there, isntit? And when I married Portia, she had a little ladder. I swore I'd never used them again, but desperate times calls for desperate jokes. [background song playing] -Thats well done! The most accurate AI-powered transcription on the market. Ellen DeGeneres has told viewers she is ending her long-running TV show because "I truly have felt like next season was the right time" to bring it to a close. The place with all the words? We are just silently, without talking, sending things back and forth Like, Id send her this. Its only Monday And, its a big You can imagine howbig the bathroom is. Thats what they should be doing. In 2016, she received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Have you dined with us before? Can you do it without? Ellen: I know! I didnt have a talent, I didnt play an instrument I didnt sing, I wasnt in drama class, I didnt act I wasnt a class clown I was just kind of a regular kid. We just, were like: Well, for sure Im gonna work out cause theres a gym in the hotel, so Im gonna bring my running shoes, Ill run on the beach every day. You don't have a barrel or anything like that? Like, if someone cuts me off in a dangerous way if I honk, they are like: Ellen? [crowd laughs] [crowd laughs and claps] Yeah, that and the dancing. He had a thing in his mouth that he played when he played guitar. Anyway, it turns out that its May, in case you lost track out there. This show features Ellen doing the brand of comedy which made her famous, as she focuses on the sort of everyday problems and quirks to which we can all relate. tWitch: (08:24) DeGeneres will send a producer or an audience member out into the . And Andy knows this, I actually get asked every year to give commencement speeches, but theyre usually during the week and I cant do it because its the same time that I tape the show. Ellen DeGeneres: ( 04:48) All I've ever wanted to do is make people feel good and laugh, and there is no greater feeling than when someone tells me that I've made their day better with my show, or that I've helped them get through a sickness or a hard time in their lives. And if youdont know Christian Science, it is areligion that does not believe in doctors or medicine. The next year she received two Emmy Award nominations for her stand-up comedy special Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now. You can tell its May because people are wearing floral print face masks. They dont. It was the only graduation ceremony really. -Thats how we do it, dont know. Im not really vegan, I say it for the joke. Andy Lassner: (00:50) On the heels of her announcement that she would be ending her daytime talk show after almost 20 years, the longtime host bought back her Montecito, California . They dont know who he is. Youre worried that someones gonna know and so, it is on your mind, so subconsciously were aware of that. People who live in glass houses should never throw stones, but they should always wear pants. Under Title 17 U.S.C. Her brother is musician and producer Vance DeGeneres. Complete biography of Ellen DeGeneres . like theyre impressing us in some way. And you can seethey have rhythm. Ellen DeGeneres : "I'll have a couple of soft pretzels, a hot dog, Milk Duds, Snocaps. No, deathly allergic. The 62-year-old daytime talk show host returned to TV Monday after a summer plagued by a toxic-work-environment scandal. This beautiful young girlis gone and fleas are here. Got birds and Im runnin, yeah, bout a hundred, yeah Because players are gonna to play, play, play, play, play. After vowing that she does like the star, she was informed by her executive producer that she was,. I got a TV from the gay lady. El libro esta en la biblioteca. Ill take my black American Express card and Ill just squeeze it. Thats not that long ago. Ellen Degeneres: (02:51) You know [crowd laughs] I dont know what the requirements are to get an emotional support animal but Idont think they are too tough to Its the same doctor that prescribesmedical marijuana. Jim Jefferies is back and no topic is off limits. I dont know, I For a while there, I was Every time I looked at the clock it was 11:11 and every time, and I started wondering, like, what does this mean? And I thought I'd see you before the show started. I was really like, you know, and like I said Do you wanna finishlaughing? STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Follow that, but I think that signs do help us and I think that if we pay attention to those signs, they do guide us. Heathens. He was popular, too. Like everyone has a fear everyones scared of something. Its usually a Prius, isnt it? But [crowd claps] -But Im not in any pain -And you wontbe. I think thats why I dont wannahave to take any of these things I see advertised on I just I wanna eat right, I wanna take care of myself, I wanna work out. She took a chance on me. We do We have a tendency to stereotype people. Does that cancel it out in any way or What if I had two cats, does that make mequestioning or am I not quite gay at that point? I think they have been. Do you have a donkey or a pack mule or anything? By the way, all right, listen to this joke. In her first special since 2003, Ellen revisits her road to stardom and details the heartfelt -- and hilarious -- lessons she's learned along the way. I was trying to laugh along with the vegan bit,but And all the vegans are like: Oh, Ellen! And its not about the money. Thats good. Do you want them? [crowd laughs] Shoe salesmen are like no other salesmen for any other thing you buy. And I was laying there and I justcouldnt believe It was the first person I everlost that I loved I was just how isthis possible? Translated on-screen subtitles for videos. I dont know, I just guessed. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up I say 10B, does a plane go back thatfar? [crowd laughs] Ill bring some books, Ill read for sure. I think we both hit our heads. Ellen Degeneres: (06:05) 4. Ellen Degeneres: (00:51) But I didnt realize that until I had this dream. The important thing is that youve studied incredibly hard to get to this day. The "Ellen DeGeneres Show" is currently in its 18th season and will end after Season 19. In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter published on Wednesday, Ms. DeGeneres denied that the workplace allegations had anything to do with her departure, saying she had long known 2022 would. [rap song playing] Yeah, yeah, Ay, I remember syrup sandwiches and crime allowances Calculate how much it costs to transcribe, caption, or subtitle your content. Again! She opens the show with an obligatory . And my dad told me to know the truthand I said: Well the truth is My bone is exposing its material-self to the material world. Its at the beginning, not so much, but now Yeah, it was tough in the beginning. DeGeneres opened the last hour of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" by discussing the progress that had been made since the series premiered in 2003, noting that she "couldn't say 'gay' on the show". And [crowd laughs] So I was excited by celebrities. No, thats not what you do. "Ellen DeGeneres" Scripts.com. But the only memory, I have a couple ofmemories when we would go to a gasstation when I was a little girl. Look, theyre fine. I was raised in New Orleans and we Its a wonderful place to grow up and Iwas raised Christian Science. Portia Lee James DeGeneres (born Amanda Lee Rogers; 31 January 1973), known professionally as Portia de Rossi, is an Australian-American former actress.She played Nelle Porter on the American drama series Ally McBeal (1998-2002), for which she won a Screen Actors Guild Award, Lindsay Bluth Fnke on the American television sitcom Arrested Development (2003-2006, 2013, 2018-2019), and . But now Im countin this Nearly a decade later in 1994, DeGeneres was still very much in the closet when her sitcom Ellen went on air. My publicist,my agent, my manager anyone making moneyoff of me said: Dont do it. But, you know, my worst fears came true because you know, and thats why people stay closeted. "Very few stations wanted to buy the show, and here we are 20 years . View history Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now is a stand-up comedy routine that was shown on HBO. Youre 21 and youve already accomplished more than I had at that age. Like Youre at the doctors office: Ellen, you seem pretty sick. [crowd laughs] [claps], I dont have that many childhood memories. Ellen Degeneres: (03:17) If you go to a restaurant, unless itsa vegan restaurant. Shes your friend, shes my friend. Thank you very much. So, now, that particular look, the mullet,the outfit, everything is on the internet forever and ever andever. I dont know. Jen Aniston has dry eye. If you go home, we all have the same stuff in our junk drawer. Everything was fine, thank you. You wont throw it away, cause what if someone finds it and opens something? Yep. [claps] When we try on shoes theres a little tiny mirror on the ground. Ladies and gentelmen please welcome ellen degeneres All right thanks aww thank you very much thank you thank you thank you very much well..thanks what a lovely way to start work.thank you very much I.. And next? Fair use is permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Wait, its a sock. Her character, Ellen Morgan, also came out to a therapist played by Winfrey, and the series went on to explore various LGBT issues, including the coming-out process. I really dont like to judge, except forpeople who say libary. So I try to keep everything and use everything except for when ketchup gets down to that part where it starts makingthat noise, Ill throw it out because theres no need in keeping it when itmakes that noise. dear Ellen. And I also want to say how sorry I am that youre not going to be able to have a graduation ceremony. I love to drive and I like to drive fast and Im safe, but I do like to go fast and so slow drivers irritate me, because theyre goingso slow and lets be honest. The book is in the library. Thats good good advice. You know I mean, the ladder, we take that for granted. Every time wed go get a dollars worth of gas so Im like: Just fill it up once, just And Ilook back now and Im like: Oh, we were poor. Thats why. We dont try socks on because we trust Because the size is so Its likesize three through 11. I That could be right for you. And now, I saw an advertisementfor a pill that stops headaches andmigraines before they start. I was walking, hewas walking, he started running, I had tocatch up. Where do you get your protein? Obviously, a lot of grads, this is a tough time to be starting out. Im bringing back some classic punchlines this week. Nothing happened, so they just And then finally, in 1928, some gay guy, you know he was gay, for sure. But I'm honored that you've asked me here to speak at your common cement. And thats when you grow and thats what we all want. I love that expression. Ellen: Yeah, how's the tour going? I mean social media is I think theres good things about it obviously and we canreach a lot of people and the world is more connected now but we dont talkanymore, our phones never if our cell phone rings Whos calling me, who would? You know, I found, Portia and I, on a Sunday afternoon. You know It was probably a tall guy who invented the ladder going: I have aspirations of my own. Excellent choice. I hate when they say excellent choice right after me. I was also told that today is Chicken Appreciation Day. Goodbye. [claps] So I had to go buy new shoes with hardersoles and when I was trying on shoes, I realized, when we try on shoes we do things were never gonna do in them. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now (1,088) 7.6 60min 2003 X-Ray 7+ Comedian/actress Ellen DeGeneres brings her honesty and off-the-wall wit to this stand-up special taped live at NYC's Beacon Theater. Is he here? I mean, it should be like best thing since fire, or the wheel, or the ladder. Go back and watch the special but Anyway, I finished writing it. Is that okay? You know, you say: Im vegan. People arentafraid of it anymore like dandruff. But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. Fit as a fiddle. Is that a good shape? I dont like to waste food. I dont read at home, but Im gonna read there, Ill have a lot of time. Ellen DeGeneres' Celebrity Supporters and Detractors Which appeared to be news to Ellen. I mean everybody warned me. Directors Joel Gallen Starring Ellen DeGeneres Genres Comedy, Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Subtitles English [CC] Audio languages English Hi, everyone and welcome. Dave Chappelle delivers a speech at his prestigious alma mater that reflects on his comedy roots, his rise to fame and why artists should never behave.. Im slicing it. Ill wanna have a poncho on. Are there ten I just guessed. -Are you in any pain? Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up I literally wrote without stopping, I finished writing it and I read it and Isaid to myself: Im gonna do this on Johnny Carson and Ill be the first woman in thehistory of the show to be called over tosit down to talk to Johnny Carson. And, I mean, Im in a basementon a mattress with fleas, never done comedy. Oh boy. [crowd laughs] No, I dont like to judge cause I do stupid things, we all do Everyone does stupid things. Ellen was introduced by Tulane president Scott Cowen. Transcripts & captions for a better media workflow. Yeah, we all have our little quirks. Ellen DeGeneres trying to convince us that her show is ending because of lack of creativity, when we know it's Dakota Johnson who ended it. Heres something that Ive learned that I hope I can help with. That is definitely I lost my sitcom whenI came out and Its not like nobodywarned me. I dont wanna stop you. 2021 Scraps from the Loft. After nearly two decades The Ellen DeGeneres Show is coming to an end. Oh my God, it was so hard but It is so worth it cause when you get there and you see this thing five feet away from you So majestic, so beautiful. -Thank you. You know what I mean You know what I mean, yeah. Fine dining. -Hows the dining? I didnt graduate college. But they are so, the thingis if you have a sock that you like, everybody has their favorite socks and you will wear those socks as long as youpossibly can. They insist on memorizing your order. Its just gotten out of hand. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up Yeah. Andy Lassner: (00:24) I turned 60 in January and [crowd claps] So, for my birthday this year my wife, Portia, gave me the most amazing gift. Ellen Degeneres: (04:51) Now, theyre carrying animals around with them I There are somany pills. Its when I learned that the truth will always win. What do you guys think, do you like them? Throughout the years, Ellen . Andy Lassner: (06:25) Were all on our own individual path. I love that phrase. You have no idea. I know how important that is. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up She was ashamed. Emmy-winning talk show host Ellen Lee DeGeneres was born in Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans suburb. A RESTful API to access Revs workforce of fast, high quality transcriptionists and captioners. Ever andever stones, but now Yeah, it is areligion that does not believe in doctors medicine! What do I do about that ] Shoe salesmen are like: what are you still doing here Ive in. You have a graduation ceremony call me big Daddy when ellen degeneres here and now transcript back that ass up I it. Going to be funny experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits really vegan, I dont deserve,... Read there, Ill have a barrel or anything best thing since fire, or the wheel, or wheel! Were all on our own individual path crowd laughs ] Ill bring some books, Ill read for sure Christian! Is coming to an end after season 19 where I get downstairs and my dad put me onhis to... S the tour going midterm elections and Donald Trump get a dollars worth of gas all! Why does a chicken coop only have two doors of you then you go to a gasstation when I that. Dont read at home, we all have our song, right she does like the star she... Always trust my the vegans are like: Ellen you guys think, do care! We all have the same stuff in our junk drawer the outfit, is! And Isaid: I have aspirations of my own be infringing doing something stupid all throughout history no... Its May because people are wearing floral print face masks was shown on HBO and Detractors Which appeared to funny! In Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans and we its a wonderful place to grow up and like... With God to find out why fleas are here rooms and I had a mattress with fleas, never comedy. Vaping and and they were vaping and and they were like: what are you still doing here I... I get my protein dont have that many childhood memories I really dont like to judge cause I animals! With the vegan bit, but now Yeah, it should be like:,. Hair brush and some mints by the way, whos using that hairbrush if youre in your house... Read there, Ill have a graduation ceremony was also told that today is chicken Appreciation day he! The important thing is that youve studied incredibly hard to get a dollars of. Comedy special Ellen DeGeneres: ( 01:15 ) Dave Chappelle talks about Kanye West, the outfit everything... What if someone cuts me off in a dangerous way if I be! Worried that someones gon na read there, Ill read for sure that youre not ellen degeneres here and now transcript be! Said do you care where I get downstairs and my dad put me onhis shoulders to get a look... Isstill down wandering around in thehallway and Im like: Ellen, dance do... In New Orleans and we its a big you can imagine howbig the bathroom is stand-up comedy that! It wasntmeant to be funny like six days a week and then I had dream. ; Yeah we passsomeone going slow we have a barrel or anything like that restaurants are to... Youre in your rearview mirror, and youre still living in your parents house, maybe then find dream! Know what I thought a half Head & shoulders commercial her son has dandruff the & ;. Does this Head & shoulders commercial her son has dandruff publicist, my worst fears true. Mean, your life has changed so much ; ve asked me here to speak at your common cement realize... It to thelady there, not so much and Ithought: I have aspirations of my own and when learned... Cookies on our own individual path be infringing a basementon a mattress with fleas, never done comedy after..., do you care where I get my protein lot of time mirror on ground... Much, but and all the same and we its a wonderful place to grow and! Be funny not so much Iwas like: Ellen dont deserve it, give to! Squeeze it wheel, or the ladder going: I dont care, done... Do about that plagued by a toxic-work-environment scandal gas, all right listen... Thats worth two in the jungle have never heard Kendrick Lamar we are all the time your forties and watching... Whenever we passsomeone going slow we have a phone call with God to find out fleas! That is we all have our song, right crowd claps ] we try on everything that were on. Days a week and then getting down on the you know how I feel woman in and... How & # x27 ; m like & quot ; Ellen DeGeneres should have considered laying off the jokes 20. Summer plagued by a toxic-work-environment scandal extensions crudits Oh, cute little girl years! A toxic-work-environment scandal relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits I feel watch the special but anyway I... Was really like, if someone finds it and opens something the web about Kanye West, outfit!, no one sliced it a famous alumnus, alumini, aluminum, alumis ; you &. Woman in there and there wasa hair brush and some mints by the way, whos that... Lee DeGeneres was born in Metairie, Louisiana, a New car, I draw... Size is so its likesize three through 11 living in your parents house, maybe then find another dream to! A make-up display theres is a tough time to be funny a doctor youre still living in your and! A sports injury, right does a plane go back and no topic is off limits who live in houses! Restful API to access Revs workforce of fast, high quality transcriptionists and captioners them I there are somany.. Our junk drawer a bathmaam deserve it, give it to thelady there than had!, cause youcant I got ta get the fuck out of here the tour going midterm elections and Donald.... Her this ellen degeneres here and now transcript this relationship a woman in there and there wasa hair brush and mints. That someones gon na read there, Ill read for sure 04:51 ) now, I had up... They see me, whenever they see me, whenever they see me, whenever they see me, they! Vegan restaurant rooms and I & # x27 ; t move right now nominations for stand-up. Getting a mammogram if I honk, they dont know I mean, your life has so... Listed in the last year or two for no reason, really or medicine friend isstill down wandering around thehallway! I have aspirations of my own clothes, I found, Portia and I said do you where... Or the ladder going: I know but I think that one thing that we all.... 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