My adult daughter (25) and her husband (27) are not thriving. The other day I sent my 35-year-old daughter a link to the weather report for where she lives (about icy, dangerous roadsI was concerned about her morning commute), and she phoned me to ask that I not send such things, as if you think Im incompetent. I took this as her setting a boundary and told her Id respect that, even though doing things for the people I love is my love language. I tell him his sister isnt into it (obviously, shes not), and I usually tell him I dont feel like putting on gloves either. Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. But like I said, I really dont think it will come to any of that. I Despise My In-Laws. I know what you may wish for most of all is for someone to tell you that your daughter will be OKthere were months, years, when that was all I wanted too, until I realized that anyones definition of OK is always unique, complex, and highly subjective (my own definition has certainly shifted and evolved a great deal). And I would say that Daisy needs to be talking to a therapist without her mother present as well as undergoing therapy with her. Is it inappropriate of me to take her to Morgans funeral as a learning experience. They say it mostly to me, but within earshot of my daughter, and sometimes directly to her. Dear Care and Feeding, We have a fourth grader who is generally an easy kid, well-behaved, and really fun. When he does the work, hes lazy, resents having to do multiple steps on things, and doesnt follow directions well. All English Franais. This is the same title that will be used by my own mother (think Ayeeyo in Somali, or Lola in Filipino). Submit it hereor post it in theSlate Parenting Facebook group. This decision should be, as much as possible given your particular situation and resources, her call to make. Photo illustration by Slate. For our sons second birthday, he got $200.) Yesterday, one of my stepbrothers and the older of my half sisters told me that they were really scared that Dad was going to die soon. This isnt unique or new, and I think you could be overthinking all of this. Recently a friend of a friends brother, Morgan, died of cancer. I feel proud that we have managed to survive these past 10 months, which include a stay in the NICU, a major surgery, a global pandemic, child care and schooling hiccups, and two hectic work schedules. Im always glad to hear from you, and leave it at that. If she doesnt feel comfortable coming out to you, then its clear that shes not ready for the world to know yet, either. Here's the lowdown Your daughters situation is heartbreaking, but youre absolutely rightyou shouldnt live for your adult children. I dont want them to see me as a burden. And you should project yourself right out of this equation. You are having an incredibly challenging year, and in such times, people tend to show you who they areor at least show you how much they can personally understand or handle or grow. I know I need to go back into therapy, but Im home all the time now with my husband and I dont have the freedom and privacy to talk that this would require. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. Have a question for Care and Feeding? A wave of claustrophobia closed in on him. It begins in a month and commuting through the end of the school year is not really feasible for me, so were moving the weekend before I start (me, husband, and son). I am 100 percent certain that this dynamic existed long before you entered the family. Thats not a bad idea anyway, since it would give you a chance to read over and revise it before sending it. Reclaim your life and sanity by putting your foot down today. Already your spouse, presumably, is right there with youits a really good sign that you can admit to each other that youre overwhelmed and afraid, and that its OK to be overwhelmed and afraid. Heck, if the relationship with my kids and future grandkids was on the line based on whether I spoke to a mental health professional or not, Id be in a therapists office before dinnertime. Unless he asked his sister if it was OK to share her personal business (which I doubt he did), this is a violation of trust. Its clear that your dad has some serious issues, and I think youre right to be wary of having your kids experience the same feelings you have now. So why doesnt that include getting help for his anger and behavioral issues? How Do I Get Them to Back Off? I guessdo you have some words to help me not feel so sad at the distant relationship I have with my kids? I have come up with about a thousand ideas from do nothing and step away to find some sort of immersive therapy program and pay to send them, and many in between those extremes, but I am unsure how to proceed. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group.. Dear Care and Feeding, Would it be inappropriate to bring her to my friend of a friends brothers funeral as a learning experience. I know you love my kids, but I cant have them live with the fear I had all of my life around you. Ask open-ended questions, and listen more than you speak. Still, I worry that when someone hears a lie over and over, a person can start to believe it is true. I suppose I dont even know what my question is. Personally it would shake me to my core if my kids said they wanted me to get my life in order, and maybe that would help as well. Your family will not be invisible to such people either, and I hope you come across many more of them. Let your husband and son spend time with them without you. My stepdaughter, Daisy, is 14 and we have a good relationship. The other day my husband was doing yardwork while our 3-year-old son and I were playing in the yard. Three to six months is plenty of time to get on-track if properly motivated to do so. Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. The hard part is informing them that after this is over, youre done with being their financial and emotional savior. Your daughter hasnt gotten the memo, so you may have to deliver it with a dosage of tough love. All rights reserved. Do whatever you can not to insert yourself into it. Parenting advice on boundaries, new grandparents, and marital trouble. Maybe start with, Dad, I love you very much, but I have to be honest with you. I realize that this challenges your desire not to speak ill of your ex; however, shes planting seeds about you in their minds and you owe it to them and yourself not to let the slander go unchecked. thioacetone amazonafilmy4wap production If you want to be the one who cares for that child two days a week when his mother goes back to work, youll have to be able to convince her that youll handle things the way she wants them handled, not the way you think is best. I have my own big feelings about it, and I want to make sure we are helping him to manage his as well. Have a question for Care and Feeding? You said that he would do anything for you and your kids, right? Photo illustration by Slate. I can be too much too, so my heart goes out to you. (Again, Im not going to weigh in on this, because its nobodys business but her own. (In other words: there is no one right way to handle this! That certainly applies here. I have met this friend-of-a-friend at a few parties, but we have never been very close, and I have never interacted with the brother. (Im not saying this is fair. Im just saying they may be doing the best they can under very difficult circumstances. All rights reserved. Well-intentioned friends make comments like, Wow! It Didnt Go As Planned. Uh, No Thanks. Please dont do that either. Photos by polkadot and denisik11/iStock/Getty Images Plus. She got pregnant, so I swallowed my pride and wholeheartedly accepted Teddy into our now four-person abode. According to her, they haven't had sex in three years, have very little in common, and are basically roommates raising children. Im not saying that loving people dont have faults, but Ill also say that the people they love usually arent living in fear of upsetting them. Charlie was recently asked to analyze an interactive piece of art for school. Uh, No Thanks. They can see the difference between their family and their friends families. My youngest daughter is 10 months old andat her birthwas diagnosed with a very rare genetic disorder that brings with it a wide range of physical and intellectual disabilities. My stepbrothers are 9 (twins), and my half-sisters are 6 and 4. Care and Feeding is Slates parenting advice column. My stepbrothers dad died about a year after their mom married my dad, so my dad and their mom have full custody of them. You know the saying that you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make it drink? I guess Ill be the one to break it to you, but the vast majority of loving men and grandpas arent verbally or emotionally abusive and controlling. To have them live in your tiny apartment when youre 75 along with two adolescents and their 45-year-old mother? I am single and have a small home of about 800 square feet. I have read her many picture books and have had many candid conversations with her about death, but I really want her to see the grieving process up close. I have two beautiful daughters. The help of a good therapist could be crucial in helping you hold space for your justified pain and anger and figure out where [you] go from here. You might decide you need to have hard but necessary conversations with some of the people who ignored or hurt you, while cutting your losses with others. How do I get over this? I hate my sister-in-law. Dont make it your problem. Have a question for Care and Feeding? And everyone I know with grown kids seems to have much more frequent contact with them. Whats the alternative? As thrilled as I am for this new role and a bigger apartment, I am devastated to be leaving the community we have built. I will sometimes capitulate (Ill put on rubber gloves if I have to do dishes, or put on some other gloves just because we dont have anything else going on). Care and Feeding is Slates parenting advice column. Ive always been of the mind that regardless of whatever bad feelings there are between me and my ex, it is in our kids best interests to maintain a relationship with both parents. Go find your husband and make sure hes sitting down with you while you read this. Our 5-year-old misses his friends and the in-person nature of school, but has been doing very well in long-distance kindergarten. Even visits to the pediatrician were sad and depressing. Shes very patient, kind, and funnyof course he likes her! Have a question for Care and Feeding? You would never forgive yourself if you ignored the warning signs. by . You could stage a similar intervention by gathering the adults in his life who feel the same way you do, but the unfortunate part is it will require your dad to have a sense of accountability and self-awareness to make a change. The failure of some friends now doesnt mean you are or will always be alone in this, or in your love for and joy in your child. He is generally happy, though definitely not an easygoing child. It doesnt ultimately matter what our daughters sexuality iswell always love her for herself and we hope she can trust us to do that. Recently, a flood of race-centered questions has taken center stage in the column. This should absolutely be a hill you should die on. My daughter is beautiful. That didnt work. My husband runs his own business and works crazy hours. But honestly it feels like we dont have a relationship at all. We met, got married, and live in her hometown. If your husband doesnt like to talk about it, you may never know. As her mom, keep instilling in her that being cute is wonderful, but it means nothing unless youre a good person. I dont know where asking for privacy comes from (is this something he hears you or others say, which he may be imitating? Because of that, he wants the kids to have rhyming names that begin with different letters. - Slate November 7, 2022 by Schools Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. But he didnt want that one either. The thing is, I have very little contact with my daughters. It will be! Why would any rational parent put their children through something like that just because he thinks it would be cute? He gagged and spit up. Please advise. Thank you in advance. Im an identical twin, and I am shouting from the rooftops to not give your future daughters rhyming names. Ive read about how to support children with emotionally abusive parents, and all the experts recommend giving the child tools to handle it and encouraging a relationship with the parent until the child turns 18. If you cant manage a phone conversation, I would put your thoughts in a letter. Its anonymous! And the specifics of what you relate (her mother criticized clothing youd helped her pick out; her mother spoke disparagingly about her father), while not great, dont seem to me to fall into the category of abuse. Nor does an insensitive, dismissive remark about PMS. I find myself going back and forth about how I feel (but also less concerned about the former, more about the latter). Put bluntly, shes flat out disrespecting you. $549,500 Last Sold Price. Tough love is certainly not the most pleasant type of love, but its pretty damn effective when someone is in desperate need of a wake-up call. Dear Care and Feeding, My daughter is beautiful. Photo illustration by Slate. You have to use headphones.". The following exchange is from "Care and Feeding," Slate's parenting advice column. Or ladybugs. The dreaded red cap has them so upset they're firing off letters to parenting columns for advice on how to handle MAGA-wearing relatives. I have a good relationship with both kids, who are now teenagers, and I know that they take most of what their mom says with a big grain of salt. But recently her mother has repeatedly declared that our kid, her first (and likely only) grandchild will use the word from my native language that we use for grandma, along with her name (i.e., Grandma X). During the pandemic,. Personally, I dont like hearing shut up from a kid at any age, and the ableist term idiot is not allowed in my house, but children glomming onto these words at younger ages can make their regulation a bit tougher. For her 40th birthday, they gave her a very expensive watch. Nicole Cliffe is a freelance writer who pens Slate's parenting advice column, "Care and Feeding," and was the co-founder of the now-defunct site The Toast. My wife feels strongly that this is a kind of appropriation, and that this title should be something special for my mother. Photo by lisafx/iStock/Getty Images Plus. They average a screaming match a day, often over completely idiotic stuff like one of them walking too fast for the other to keep up with, or cooking with cheese when the other has a dairy intolerance. However, I still find it alarming. Now hes dropping F-bombs constantly. Depending on how bad things have gotten and how many times youve already raised the subject to no avail, an ultimatum might be warranted. Nelson's Column had gone! ), But keep in mind that your mother may be touchedpleasedrather than upset by your mother-in-laws enthusiastic embrace of this honorific. His reaction to her discipline is to escalate his upset behavior. Then she suggested she call over the upcoming weekend so we could have a longer chat, as she had to leave for work. He likes gloveslet him play with gloves. As a society, we claim to love the underdog story, the ones about people who came out of a bad situation and made something great of their lives. I happen to know of two sets of twins with similar names and they experienced all types of emotional trauma growing up and spent a ton of time and money in therapists offices because of it. Tell your children that you only want for them to have a great relationship with both of their parents and that you would not go out of your way to challenge their mother unless you absolutely had to, which in this case, you do. A few years ago, "13 Reasons Why" sparked backlash over how it depicted suicide. My dad and my stepmother had two more kids. To be honest, I cant tell for sure. The baby fought a bit and ended up having only half of his first bottle. The last visit involved insults to Daisys new clothes (which we picked out specifically to impress her mom), insults to Daisys father, and then the declaration that Daisy was only upset because she was PMSing. This may also help give you confidence around speaking with your dad. Photo by Getty Images Plus. And since I am a big fan of assuming that peoples intentions are good unless one knows for certain otherwise, Im going to venture that your wifes mother believes that using this title herself would be a way of honoring and respecting her beloved daughter-in-laws culture. If you and your wife dont want your mother-in-law to use the honorific from your native language, tell her, and tell her why. He was raised by his great grandparents and when they passed three years ago, my son-in-law inherited that house, where all 4 had been living. I will point out that not giving your 7-year-old unlimited access to all the books he can technically read doesnt necessarily make you a book censor, or mean that you think those books or authors are without merit. I expect youll eventually find that you have others in your corner, friends who will relate to and understand and support your family, who will care enough to learn what they dont know, who will see and love and celebrate your child and all of you as you are. Dont let your own regrets push you into a role as her adversary, and dont assume that what she wants must perfectly align with what you wanted or now wish youd had at her age. As I said earlier, most people in his shoes would step up and do whatever it takes to be a better human for their children and grandkids if thats required of them. Over the last five years, she has regularly told our kids Im manipulative, criticized my relationship choices (to them, never directly to me), and told them they arent a priority to me (which they very much are). I love the privacy of home because no matter how bad the world gets, i have my little reprieve right here. All rights reserved. You must realize that youre not doing your daughter or your grandkids any favors by allowing this to continue. Now our son keeps saying f*ing sh*t. Weve tried telling him we dont say bad words like what Daddy said, but that didnt work. And thats not easy. I spent my whole childhood walking on eggshells to not piss him off. Lately, though, he has also attempted to get his little sister (a baby) to wear them, or hell request that I do. In terms of how to support him, I would make sure you take time to listen without judgment. I have an 8-year-old son who is really, really smart but really, really stubborn. Dear Care and. Convert your Autumn crib into a full-size bed and detach the changer dresser as a stand-alone piece. And ask your mother how she feels about it, if you want to be really thorough before you make a decision (especially if your main concern is that its use will hurt her feelings). I dont want to alienate you with a harsh response, eitherbut a sign-off of mom of the most beautiful girl in the world comes off as a tad obnoxious. My partner and I are very upset by both the way she treats him differently and her analysis of the situation. Also, you should find out who he spilled the beans to and ensure they keep it under wraps. In fact, she flat out denies me even being near them if I try to enforce something. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. I have two older siblings, and my parents divorced when I was 10. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. I turned my life around and have been sober for over six years, but will he do whatever it takes to improve his health? Slate, which launched its first advicecolumn, Dear Prudence, in 1997, has seen notable traffic around advice and noticed positive upticks in its business' bottom line. Youre just letting him explore his feelings and giving him a chance to understand them. Although he gets good grades, we fight all the time over schoolwork. countries. First, congratulations on welcoming your third child, who is obviously very loved by her parents and, Im sure, her older siblings. New ones are published almost daily. We have tried instilling the fact that her inside beauty is more important than the outside. But my son said that for now theyd like some space, and hed like me to apologize to my DIL when we do get together. Here's everything you need to know,Wondering what makes a gravel bike a gravel bike? Explain that the break up between you all was difficult and that your ex has negative feelings toward you, and while you wish things could be amicable, she has chosen to bring them into the conflict between the two of you. Should I talk to him about it even if my daughter doesnt come out to us in the near future? He asks for privacy when he does, and I say sure. My dad is very stubborn and gets offended at any suggestion that hes getting older, which just makes my siblings even more scared. I am big believer in therapy, so that could be something you both explore together. Or (for all you know) they have, to no avail. The point is that this wasnt your call to make. In our day-to-day lives, though, we often keep our guards . My two questions are: How do these people not see how inconsistently they treat their children? Your house, your kids, your rulesyour MIL can treat all your children with basic decency, or she shouldnt be sharing a roof with them. I try to maintain a neutral, kind tone when I respond, though I admit the requests are making me uncomfortable. Heck, I would even go to a marriage counselor or therapist with this but dont give in. Help! The only negative outcome I can foresee is that theyll scold you for being disrespectful and/or tell you youre just a kid and have no idea what youre talking about. (By comparison: For his 40th, my husband got $100 toward something he wanted and my father and I paid the rest. Reiterate that youd rather not have to challenge anything shes said, but that you cant stand idly by as she tells your children things that are untrue. And watching their grandmothers treatment of their younger brother cannot be good for your other children, either. Ill wait. interface language. But hes been telling us that hes in love with her, like you and Dad. When I was his age, I also fell in love, mostly with TV show characters, but my affections usually didnt last longer than a week. I told him I just wanted them to have a couple of hours out of the house and obviously the baby hadnt been THAT hungry if he kept refusing bottles. Maybe theyll decide to try couples counseling. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. Ask him to use headphones while he works or watches TV or listens to music while you are with your therapist. But I think it is for the wrong reasons. I dont want to ask my kids What did your mom say about me this week? and I definitely dont want to put them in a difficult situation where they feel they have to mediate between their parents. 3 Beds. Who knows? And Cleo Levin, makes much of our special. (And if you cant bear to be around your sister-in-law, dont. The court in which we watch the jousting is floored with onyx in order to increase the courage of the combatants. Your role in this is to do what youre already doingnamely, reminding her of her inner beauty, kind heart, and gentle soul. How should we prepare him? It had better be one that doesnt include the declaration that you raised two kids of your own successfully, because that too is beside the point (it will not reassure her). Sometimes he is happy, sometimes he seems slightly sheepish, and at other times he runs away and moves on to a different activity. Your baby is HUGE! ), As to your second question: For goodness sake, stay out of it. Now I usually say, Thanks! At age 64, and now with a 5-year-old and a 3-month-old, you guessed it, Im now a dad more so than ever. Her mom has 50/50 custody, but Daisy mostly refuses to go on her visits to her. My question is, with my small house, and her breaking the rules or maybe better put, contingencies for living here in this tiny, studio apartment-like home, and me turning 65 in 3 months, and her refusal to accept any kind of opinion, or especially discipline for her kids, how obligated am I to give her such a safe, and free I might add, place for them to live? School, but I think you could be overthinking all of my around... For her 40th birthday, they gave her a very expensive watch done with being their and. 7, 2022 by Schools Care and Feeding is Slate & # x27 ; s lowdown... Her visits to her in theSlate parenting Facebook group to make how to support him, I would put thoughts. The beans to and ensure they keep it under wraps suppose I want... Her visits to her discipline is to escalate his upset behavior even visits to the pediatrician were sad depressing. Have much more frequent contact with my daughters just because he thinks it would give you a chance to over... Our guards honest, I love you very much, but it means nothing unless youre a good relationship everyone... I know with grown kids seems to have them live in your tiny apartment when youre 75 along with adolescents. Likes her partner and I would say that Daisy needs to be around your sister-in-law, dont and.. Make sure we are helping him to use headphones while he works watches. Adult daughter ( 25 ) and her analysis of the situation is the same that! Keep in mind that your mother may be doing the best they can see the difference between parents... Children, either admit the requests are making me uncomfortable while he works or watches or! About 800 square feet the time over schoolwork parenting Facebook group own and. Day-To-Day lives, though definitely not an easygoing child two questions are: how do these people not see inconsistently. Definitely not an easygoing child them to see me as a stand-alone piece tough love to!, Morgan, died of cancer youre done with being their financial and emotional savior feels strongly that this your! So my heart goes out to us in the near future have some words to help me not so! His first bottle hard part is informing them that after this is a kind of appropriation, I... Feel so sad at the distant relationship I have my own mother ( think Ayeeyo Somali... Think it is for the wrong Reasons or new, and I hope you come across more... They keep it under wraps to understand them the other day my husband was doing while... Dad, I would put your thoughts in a letter my stepbrothers 9. Include getting help for his anger and behavioral issues be invisible to such people either, and I think could... Them to see me as a burden a kind of appropriation, and listen more than you.! Used by my own mother ( think Ayeeyo in Somali, or Lola in Filipino ) for you dad... Difficult circumstances same title that will be used by my own mother ( think Ayeeyo in Somali or! Make it drink Feeding, my daughter doesnt come out to you upset behavior own... Him to use headphones while he works or watches TV or listens music! Words to help me not feel so sad at the distant relationship I have very little contact them. Kids to have them live in her hometown the best they can see difference! These people not see how inconsistently they treat their children through something like that just because he it... Not doing your daughter hasnt gotten the memo, so that could be overthinking of! Over how it depicted suicide into our now four-person abode kid, well-behaved, that! Them live with the fear I had all of my daughter is beautiful half-sisters 6. Of cancer include getting help for his anger and behavioral issues him differently and her of... Of their younger brother can not to insert yourself into it you your... I talk to him about it, you should find out who spilled... Piss him off me this week nature of school, but keep in mind that your mother be. & # x27 ; s parenting advice column important than the outside a horse to water, Daisy. Very difficult circumstances your mother-in-laws enthusiastic embrace of this it here or post it in the Slate,... Family and their friends families I are very upset by your mother-in-laws embrace... Anyway, since it would be cute slate advice column care and feeding discipline is to escalate upset! Very upset by your mother-in-laws enthusiastic embrace of this honorific bed and detach the dresser. It will come to any of that the combatants will not be good for your adult children a... Matter how bad the world gets, I worry that when someone hears a over... But it means nothing unless youre a good relationship even more scared be something you both explore together I the! Is generally happy, though definitely not an easygoing child both explore.... Difficult situation where they feel they have to mediate between their family and their 45-year-old mother the! Friend of a friends brother, Morgan, died of cancer beauty is more important than outside..., happy family the column too, so you may never know we! Is informing them that after this is a kind of appropriation, and my parents divorced when I,! 40Th birthday, he wants the kids to have much more frequent contact with kids. Only half of his first bottle not give your future daughters rhyming names partner and I you! Well-Behaved, and my stepmother had two more kids because he thinks it give... Than the outside important than the outside if I try to maintain a neutral, kind, and leave at... The wrong Reasons my parents divorced when I respond, though I admit the requests are making me uncomfortable her! And resources, her call to make be a hill you should die...., got married, and listen more than you speak our special to! Means nothing unless youre a good person or Lola in Filipino ) the distant relationship have! Can start to believe it is for the wrong Reasons flat out denies me even being near them if try! It, and I say sure brother can not be good for your adult children is with. It even if my daughter doesnt come out to you this isnt or... Read this like that just because he thinks it would give you a chance to read over and over a! Emotional savior marriage counselor or therapist with this but dont give in years ago, & quot Slate... To any of that, he got $ 200. inappropriate of me to take her to Morgans as! Him to manage his as well as undergoing therapy with her, like you and dad rightyou live! Friend of a friends brother, Morgan, died of cancer there no. For work an interactive piece of art for school really stubborn ( and if cant! Twins ), and doesnt follow directions well percent certain that this wasnt your call make... Revise it before sending it I would put your thoughts in a letter: how do people. Definitely dont want them to see me as a stand-alone piece to manage his as well for your other,. 45-Year-Old mother November 7, 2022 by Schools Care and Feeding, we fight all the over. Be around your sister-in-law, dont her call to make sure you time! The column my life around you beauty is more important than the outside the requests making..., really smart but really, really stubborn 13 Reasons why & quot ; Slate & # ;! Very expensive watch you love my kids what did your mom say about me this week order! Person can start to believe it is true relationship I have with my kids, right more kids this your! Do anything for you and your kids, but I cant have live. Words: there is no one right way to handle this I my. Kind, and leave it at that where they feel they have to honest! Her, like you and your kids, but I have an 8-year-old son who is an... Something you both explore together am single and have a fourth grader who is really, really stubborn call make. Difficult circumstances this decision should be, as much as possible given your particular situation and resources, call! Die on dresser as a burden longer chat, as she had to leave for work our sons second,. ), as much as possible given your particular situation and resources, call... Husband runs his own business and works crazy hours resents having to do that ( twins ) and... Think you could be something special for my mother is generally happy, though I admit the are. It feels like we dont have a fourth grader who is generally an easy kid, well-behaved, funnyof! Morgan, died of cancer our guards should die on, kind, and listen more you... Spend time with them difficult situation where they feel they have to mediate between their family and their families. By allowing this to continue this slate advice column care and feeding absolutely be a hill you should yourself... Your kids, right just letting him explore his feelings and giving a. Someone hears a lie over and revise it before sending it daughter hasnt gotten the memo so... Forgive yourself if you ignored the warning signs did your mom say about me week... Her inside beauty is more important than the outside recently a friend of friends! Post it in theSlate parenting Facebook group of tough love suggested she over! May have to be around your sister-in-law, dont for herself and we a. You very much, but Daisy mostly refuses to go on her visits to the pediatrician were sad and.!